It's weird the stories I feel compelled to say something about. This is more of a rambling rant than anything else.
This news story definitely hit a nerve, and I'm not sorry to say that the media hacking of individuals whose intentions are nothing but honorable, for the sake of sales and sensationalism, really gets me pissed. The link below is an article by Lance Bass and his use of the word tranny. He said it. He apologized because some were offended. He wrote the piece at the link to create dialogue. That should have been the end of this. It wasn't, because of the vicious media pimps of our world. Lance Bass was hardly the only person attacked in this manner recently and I'm sure he won't be close to the the last.
While growing up I was called just about anything a young gay guy is called. Fag, fairy, queer, were among the many terms used and back then they were nothing but ways to oppress and demean me. I hated the way they sounded and I hated the way they made me feel. They gave my attackers and detractors power, or to put more bluntly I gave them the power. I just wanted the name calling to stop and I didn't want anyone to get hurt. Those three words hurt me beyond imagination, but I now know the people who directed hate at me when I was younger are much worse off than I could ever dream of being. If you ever said that I would use those terms to define myself I would have told you that you were bat-shit crazy. Eventually, that very thing did happen.
I'm not exactly sure how it happened but I'll try to put it into words. I have my own place now, my own journey that I understand, and people that I truly love and trust. That wasn't always true, but after the rules of our society failed me(as I have seen them fail so many people) I re-wrote the rule book, took my power back, and started to write my own story. This isn't just a gay thing, this is a Kyle thing. More importantly it is a people thing. Being a fag, a queer, and a fairy are a part of me. Good and bad they are me and I'm happy with that. Those words don't mean what they used to to me; they do hold a great deal of tone and power that help fuel who I am.
In my heart of hearts, they let me feel safe, honest, and magical. They help me celebrate differences, challenges, and wonder. They are anchors in a world I have helped build and occasionally am proud of, and that often rejects me. They help me to connect with others who were wounded as I was, and turn a horrid experience into something profound. I can't tell other people what will work for them or what will make them better people. As Lance says in his piece words are confusing. Intention though is normally obvious. For me those three words have become part of my identity. They are me and I love them because I love all parts of myself. I won't give them up. I won't let people take them from me.
Yet if the wrong person uttered those words I would be incensed. My eyes would grow wide, my back would arch, and my claws would really come out. Bullies still use those words. People who hate still use those words. They still use so many incendiary, inhumane terms, that sometimes I think the evil of those banished words will consume all of humanity. This is were it gets confusing. Do you use those words or not? I can't answer that question with a yes or no. Like so much of life, clear black and white terms are not enough. The color gray seems to haunt our species. Should Lance have used the word tranny? I don't know. I don't know him, his circle of friends, or the depth of his journey. Did he mean to hurt people? No, and that makes all the difference.
We need integrity, intelligence, inspiration, and intent to be part of the global discussion of how we refer and relate to one another. Those four things should be part of all of our global communications.Without them we'll never find each other, because we won't be able to find ourselves.
Once I came out I responded to insults of Queer or Fag or Cocksucker with Yes I am, so what.
ReplyDeleteAs for Lance, it's hard to keep up with which words mean what and should and shouldn't be used. I often tell my nephew (now 14) that when he says "SHIP" it's the still the same as saying shit for two reasons: 1. the meaning of the word comes from its intent and 2: it matters what you're thinking when you say the word, "are you really thinking of a boat or are you thinking of what you pickup after your dog?"
What I hate/hated in life and porn is using, "take that - fag, cunt, etc." Rope, chains, whips and s/m - sure! but no bigoted/hateful stuff. :)
Very thought-provoking, Kyle. I agree...intent is everything. You can tell when someone is teasing in a friendly way, and you can tell when someone is being insulting and derogatory. No easy answers, that's for sure.
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